Using Buddhist slogans to inspire a conducive mindset for a ballet performance

Picture by SBS foto marketing.

 In the last few days, I had the good fortune to participate in ballet performances. Finally the pandemic is allowing us to experience those again! As it turns out, the mental side of it was a pretty experiencing journey, which is also relevant to the next #lojongchallenge slogan (slogan 42) which is: whichever of the two arises, be patient. The idea of this slogan is that we constantly tend to want certain things and avoid certain other things--trying to get things we want and avoid things we do not want. I can tell you that definitely happens during a ballet performance, where there is the fear of making mistakes, or even worse, falling and injuring yourself, and the hope of shining and having a good time. Thankfully in the ballet school where I dance in Groningen, we have three shows, so when on Friday I felt quite engrossed in these thoughts about being afraid of failure and not so much able to enjoy the moment, I could play around with my mindset for the next two shows.

I realized that for me it was important to return back to my body, because our body is an anchor to experience, rather than the thinking-about-experience. What really helped me was to take time before the performance to really connect to my body by putting on my noise-cancelling headphones and doing an online class by Broche ballet. The teacher has a very calming and non-judgmental quality, really inviting dancers to inquire into their sensations and movements, rather than focusing on a correct or incorrect end-product. I also found that the beautiful music of the barre helped me to get into my happy space as well. 

View from the dressing room where I was warming up in my happy space (picture by Kelly Jennefer)

Then during the performance, I consciously practised appreciation. Rather than thinking about who was good or not good, I focused on the beauty of everyone at their own level, and consciously opening up myself to the connection with everyone who was putting together the show--in Buddhist terms: the interdependent circumstances that come together to create the performance, where everyone has their role to play (see also this quote for a beautiful description of that idea). It was amazing how much this changed my mind, because suddenly I shifted from a focus on myself to a focus on the system as a whole.

And when I was no longer overly focused on myself, I also was not drawn so much into judgments and thoughts. Because those judgments were exactly what was causing my frustration, because I started to make mistakes that I wouldn't make in class. Then the most interesting experience happened at the beginning of the last show, during a very happy tarantella dance. Somehow I sumbled over something and fell, right in the middle of the dance. Thankfully it was not a bad fall and I got up immediately and continued dancing straight away. But because now I had literally gotten back on earth, my body took over without too much jugdments and thoughts, and I enjoyed it like never before, I guess it also cannot really go down much from there! The show ended up the best one I did, simply because my mind was no longer seeking out any particular experience and rejecting others, but simply tuning in with whatever was there. In the end, I think my mindset work was almost the most fascinating part of the whole experience! 

Picture by SBS fotomarketing

In the dance where I fell flat on my face

Using a kind heart to overcome your competitive mind

Lojong slogan 38 says "Don't seek other's pain as the limbs of your own happiness." This refers in simple words to schadenfreude: being happy when someone else is not doing well. Or maybe even making a nasty remark when they don't look so good. I think we often do that when we don't feel good in ourselves. When we put others down, this makes us feel superior. But does it really do so on the long-term? I think that the more we develop such thoughts, the more we also start to feel unwell in ourselves because we create this need in ourselves to constantly be better than others.

Picture by Anna van der Meijden (

https://www.instagram.com/annamaypinephotography/)

I found it very helpful to combat these feelings with increasing my own compassion and kindness towards myself. Because if I feel good in myself, then there is no need to depend on comparison to others to feel better. Even more, I find that there is sufficient kindness to share with others as well. Indeed, scientific research shows that self-compassion reduces rumination, depression and anxiety https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6 

So how do you do this? For me a very simple way to practise kindness and compassion for myself is to repeat the phrases "may I be well, may I be safe, may I live with ease" to myself, in a very spacious way. Really, you deserve to be happy. Doing this in formal meditation is really powerful, but even if you can do it at random moments in everyday life already helps. I then often find that I naturally extend this to others as well.

These practices can also be connected to the body while exercising. This is an interesting challenge because often I have more of a feeling of pushing my body during ballet class or running, and instead considering my body with an attitude of kindness completely changes how I relate to my body. This feeling of kindness towards myself then also makes my body much more pliable and cooperative. I also enjoy simply wishing well to people while I am running. Also that really changes my perception and feeling completely.

Can we be without a goal?

An intriguing slogan in the Lojong text is number 28: "abandon any hope of fruition." Here in the West, we are strongly conditioned in being very goal-directed, having specific, measurable, achievable and time-bound goals. This contributes to getting things done. So why are we to let go of a hope of fruition, or in other words, "achievement"?

Sometimes the tendency to try to achieve things can be in the way of accomplishment. This is particularly true with these Lojong teachings, because achieving something tends to often be associated with a feeling of self-cherishing. It's not bad to feel good a bout yourself, but feeling superior is a problem.

Moreover, the tendency to always be goal-directed also gets in the way of taking time to just rest and being present with what is. A large part of Buddhist practice is about sitting there and doing nothing--and through that, through observing what happens, becoming familiar with the nature of reality that is to be found within, rather than in busy activity.

Approaching the goal. Picture by Anna van der Meijden, https://www.instagram.com/annamaypine/?hl=en

But yet, how can we then still motivate ourselves if we shouldn't hope for fruition? Maybe it is the case that we will never reach fruition, but we will still make some progress along the way, and we can still celebrate those little moments in which we were able to transform an emotion or approach a situation in a different way. And at the same time realize that that is only a tiny step along the way. Then it is key to go back to your motivation and use that as your major impetus: whatever you do, be it action or inaction, can be with a motivation to help beings and eventually to becoming a truly healthy and happy person (something which Buddhists call enlightenment).

More thoughts on self-criticism and other-criticism in life and ballet

The next slogan in Lojong is number 26: "Don’t ponder others’ flaws." This is quite similar to the previous slogan, but whereas the previous one is about acting out your criticism in terms of speech, this one is about merely thinking about the flaws of others. For me that is a much stronger temptation than speaking of other's flaws. You may think "thoughts don't harm, right?" And indeed, they don't do so directly. But they are not particularly pleasant either.

The moment you start criticising others, first of all, doesn't really feel that good in the long term. In the short term, it may make you feel better about yourself, but to maintain this feeling better, you have to keep comparing yourself to others and that is pretty exhausting. One domain in which I am quite prone to mentally comparing myself to others is ballet. This is completely unnecessary because I am way too old for a career, so I am just doing it for fun. And yet, this is my mental habit. A few weeks ago I did a kind of home-made ballet intensive during which I stayed in Amsterdam for a few days and took many classes. This was my chance to play with these feelings! I found out that when I was doing a tough conditioning class, one strategy is to handle the challenge by comparing myself to others. As I just indicated, this is a quite a stressful strategy. Alternatively, I could just try to stay with the moment--with the unpleasant feelings of a tough exercise but not thinking about how long it's still going to last (long!) and not thinking about how well it's going--just staying there non-judgmentally. When I was able to do that, the whole experience became like a meditation, and quite relaxed (at least from a mental perspective). Moreover, practising in such a mind state feels so much more satisfying.

Picture by Anna van der Meijden https://www.instagram.com/annamaypine/?hl=en

I will end with one more tip that I found in Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche's book "Intelligent heart", which I found quite helpful. He said that if you are dealing with a very difficult person for whom criticism almost naturally arises, then try to realize that it's just your perception. Everyone perceives people differently, and there may well be people who see this person as amazing. The same is true about yourself by the way: the way you see yourself is probably quite different from the way others see you.

Transforming criticism into a gift

I find criticism one of the most challenging things in life (I know, I am pretty lucky) and also during COVID-19. For example, I find it difficult to deal with people who go into a self-righteous mode of criticizing other's over-reaction or under-reaction to the pandemic. The Lojong teachings say "Don't speak of the downfalls of others". But of course criticising the criticising is also speaking of other's downfalls. In the end, we can only change what we do and how we react to what others do.

Still from the video which is my image of a gift in ballet language: taking a bow to dedicate your dancing to the audience

Criticism is tricky, because as a was reminded of in a recent instagram post by The Whole Pointe, criticism is ballet is pretty important: it allows you to improve. In fact, traditionally often criticism by a ballet teacher is coveted because it indicates that you are seen and worthy enough to be criticised. And in science too, criticism is so important because it keeps the discussion going and allows for sharpening of arguments and the improvement of experiments, data and interpretation, as was eloquently discussed in this podcast. Yet, what I think makes the difference is the motivation underlying the criticism: is it a motivation to help, or is it instead a puritanical motivation arising out of insecurity and fear. I notice myself that often when I am in my head criticising others, I do so to feel better than them. And since the Lojong teachings are all about reducing our self-importance and increasing our altruism, this is probably the reason that criticism of others is discouraged.

I feel there is another angle to it as well. I notice in my self that those times that I criticise others more, I also tend to criticise myself more, as if I build some maladaptive mental habits. Also self-criticism is not necessarily bad, because I believe it is important to work with yourself to become a better person (in whatever you want to cultivate). The moment it becomes problematic I think is when it gets rooted in hope and fear: the hope to be this amazing person, better than everyone else, or the fear of not being good enough. What I decided to work on in the coming weeks is to watch my motivation, especially when I dance, and to shift it to giving whatever I have without hoping for any praise in return. For me such a motivation creates a tremendous sense of freedom and allows me to receive whatever reaction comes my way without being unnecessarily pained by it or elated by it.

Reflections on the covid-19 situation and Lojong

I figured the times make it almost imperative to take into account the covid-19 situation in my #lojongchallenge blog series. Thankfully, the Lojong slogans pretty much all are suitable to work with whatever situation. I found that slogan 23, "always abide by the three basic principles" also gives some useful advice to deal with the current situation.

My last trip abroad before the lockdown started in the Duomo of Milan (notice gloves!)

So let's start by breaking down this slogan: what are the three principles? Those are first to stay committed to working against self-importance, second, to not act outrageously or show off, and third, to be impartial and equanimous. Before we go into this, let me talk a bit about how I am coping with the situation. I count myself lucky because I do have a secure job, a nice place to live, and all the things that I find important can be done online in some way. It is strange to not leave the house apart from for errands and running once a week, but I am not thinking about that so much. Every day I start the working day by doing a few dances that get my blood flowing and my brain going. Then I sit down behind my computer and do the usual--meetings, e-mail, writing, except that all meetings take place in front of a computer screen rather than in real life. And then my normal past-times, ballet and Buddhist gatherings, also happen from behind the same screen. My calendar is the tool that I use to distinguish between all of those. I make sure to plan in the Buddhist gatherings and ballet classes such that they surely happen. I feel sad to not really meet people in real life, but I feel excited about learning so many new things and seeing all the creative things that people have developed.

Now back to the principles. The first principle, reducing self-importance is basically what we are all doing right now: while we may not be at too much risk for the virus, we have to give up a social life for a little while so others can stay healthy. If I work from home then the person in the hospital will better be able to manage the tremendous workload of patients. I also notice that everyone seems more aware of each other as we move around each other in the streets to maintain our 1.5m distance. While it may seem that letting go of self-importance is all about the other, it is important to realize that dropping self-importance does not mean letting go of self-care. Self-care is especially important to ensure you can be there for others. This is why I try to prioritize sleep and ballet, so I am happy and healthy.

Life at home: dancing with the vacuum cleaner

The second principle, not to act outrageously refers primarily to showing off one's spiritual practice. In a wonderful advice for these times, Khandro Rinpoche emphasises the importance of simply coming back to being kind to one another. Don't try to impress others with what a good practiioner you are. Simpler is better. What I also find helpful in this slogan is that by reducing our tendency to show off, we are reducing our own anxiety because any time we show off, we are anxious about others' responses. Good reminder to self in this age of social media, that make it so easy to get trapped in the tendency to seek for others' approval..

The last principle, maintaining equanimity is also helpful. For me it brings a lot of peace to realize that not all is in our own hands. I am currently trying to practice this by not thinking too much about what will happen in the future, and just stay with what happens day by day. Because every day things will change. I was supposed to go to India right when the lockdown happened, and most of the other things that were supposed to happen this summer--summer schools, conferences, ... have been cancelled. But who knows what the world will look like even a few weeks from now. It is surreal to think about what has happened. Never has the truth of impermanence and interdependence be so clear!

Trying to look into the empty nature of stress

As evidenced by the lack of blogs, I have been pretty busy in the past months. It's already Easter! Although I am still insanely busy, preparing and teaching a new course for first-year Artificial Intelligence students, I think it is time for a new blog, and a meditation retreat over Easter inspired me to write this blog.

I have had a few months to contemplate this slogan: "Seeing confusion as the four kayas is unsurpassable shunyata protection." That involves quite a few Buddhist technical terms! In my own very free translation, it concerns seeing wisdom in the midst of confusion and chaos. Quite appropriate for the last months...

view from the retreat in the Amsterdam Rigpa centre

So let's get going with the Buddhist terms. Shunyata is a term often translated as emptiness, but that translation is quite tricky, because it gives a nihilist connotation. During one of my recent travels I met a person who claimed to understand emptiness and explained his lack of productivity by his focusing on emptiness: if nothing exists, then why doing anything? I think this is the wrong understanding of the word. The way I have learnt it, shunyata refers to the idea that while things appear as quite solid, in fact they are impermanent, they depend on many causes and conditions, and while they appear to be completely distinct from other things, they can be decomposed into many other factors. So this means that while this delicious chocolate easter egg in front of me seems quite real and I really want it, it is actually quite impermanent (I became acutely aware of that fact this morning when my hot tea bottle was on top of a bag with Easter eggs--who ended up in a molten chocolate mess). Even our attachment to these Easter eggs is quite impermanent because if we eat too many of them, we no longer want them.

The four kayas are a term that refers to the different aspects of an enlightened being, the nirmanakaya being the physical level (the body of the Buddha), samboghakaya something like energy, dharmakaya the mind of the Buddha, and svabhavikakaya the union of all three. In other words, if confusion is the four kayas, it refers to recognizing enlightenment in confusion. One way to interpret this is that in all situations you can look at it with a confused perspective and with an enlightened perspective. For example, while anger is often harmful, it also has a quality of cutting through that is helpful.

Now how can shunyata be a protection in the confusion associated with stressful situations? Stress is tends to feel like a massive thing weighing down on you (at least, that's how it feels like to me). I often paralyzed by stress because there seems to be no place to breathe, let alone do something to regain my sanity, such as meditation. Now here there is good news, because many teachers actually say that the more confusion you have, the more chance there is to practice. So the more stress, the more you can just mediate on the stress: feel how it affects your body and mind, but crucially, try to not reject it. If you carefully think about it, while related to the massive amount of things to do, the stress is mostly a product of our minds. We can also decide to use the stress as an invitation to practise seeing how our feelings make the experience of having much to do massively worse.

And I know for a fact that however I feel, this too shall pass. Moreover, the stress is not a solid thing because it depends on so many causes and conditions: the state of my mind, the work that piles up, the reactions of other people and much more. So what and where is this thing called "stress" when you look for it? It is actually quite elusive, and realizing this creates space. It is sometimes even possible to see how the stress is just a manifestation of my cognizing mind that goes in overdrive when worring about the future. Every moment you can work with this feeling of stress is a great exercise, because anyone can be relaxed in calm situations, but can you also be calm in stressful situations? Anyone can see the empty nature of phenomena on their meditation cushion, but can you also have that humor in the midst of a stressful situation? I am working on it!

Finding freedom from criticism

Another #lojongchallenge slogan is "drive all blames into one". That sounds pretty scary, doesn't it? However, actually I found that here too the counter-intuitive slogan could help me find some freedom. The slogan refers to the ego, which according to the Buddhist teachings is the source of all suffering. How does this work? Well, in my understanding the ego is this part of yourself that tends to easily feel a victim when criticized, and the part of yourself that continually seeks praise. Neither of these things feels particularly good, does it? In the last weeks, I have been experimenting with my response to criticism. My normal reaction when someone criticises me is to go all in defensive mode, or to hide away. Basically I try to do everything to avoid feeling the criticism. However, Sogyal Rinpoche would always say that "a haircut is not a skin cut". In our minds the criticism may feel like a skin cut, but it's just someone trying to tell you something. In fact, very often the person is simply trying to teach you something. So can you approach the criticism with an attitude of curiosity and appreciation for the things they are trying to teach you rather than one of fear or defensiveness? One of my friends says that people who are very critical are actually very good because they keep you on your toes, where otherwise you may have gone into a comfortable lull and overlooked important issues. Moreover, the people who criticise you also help you with a bit of self-control. By being afraid of criticism we behave better. I found that when I am able to remember these things and simply face criticism as an opportunity to learn then it feels so much better (and probably is more useful too).

Picture by Dubravka Knezic

The other context where ego plays up is that it seeks continuous praise. However, if there is one thing true about life, then it is that you won't be praised all the time. And probably if you were, you would become a very arrogant and ill-tempered person. So, what to do? A very smart approach is to realize that all praise is not really that helpful: it makes you feel good on the short term, but then it does not teach you so much. Of course it teaches you a little about what behaviors should be cultivated, but probably people's opinions are quite biased. So, looking for praise is not really the recipe for becoming happy. I must confess that I am quite terrible at this, but I think that by contemplating this over and over may make me less dependent on praise, and less fearful of criticism. And in the end, that will most certainly make me happier.