Transforming criticism into a gift

I find criticism one of the most challenging things in life (I know, I am pretty lucky) and also during COVID-19. For example, I find it difficult to deal with people who go into a self-righteous mode of criticizing other's over-reaction or under-reaction to the pandemic. The Lojong teachings say "Don't speak of the downfalls of others". But of course criticising the criticising is also speaking of other's downfalls. In the end, we can only change what we do and how we react to what others do.

Still from the video which is my image of a gift in ballet language: taking a bow to dedicate your dancing to the audience

Criticism is tricky, because as a was reminded of in a recent instagram post by The Whole Pointe, criticism is ballet is pretty important: it allows you to improve. In fact, traditionally often criticism by a ballet teacher is coveted because it indicates that you are seen and worthy enough to be criticised. And in science too, criticism is so important because it keeps the discussion going and allows for sharpening of arguments and the improvement of experiments, data and interpretation, as was eloquently discussed in this podcast. Yet, what I think makes the difference is the motivation underlying the criticism: is it a motivation to help, or is it instead a puritanical motivation arising out of insecurity and fear. I notice myself that often when I am in my head criticising others, I do so to feel better than them. And since the Lojong teachings are all about reducing our self-importance and increasing our altruism, this is probably the reason that criticism of others is discouraged.

I feel there is another angle to it as well. I notice in my self that those times that I criticise others more, I also tend to criticise myself more, as if I build some maladaptive mental habits. Also self-criticism is not necessarily bad, because I believe it is important to work with yourself to become a better person (in whatever you want to cultivate). The moment it becomes problematic I think is when it gets rooted in hope and fear: the hope to be this amazing person, better than everyone else, or the fear of not being good enough. What I decided to work on in the coming weeks is to watch my motivation, especially when I dance, and to shift it to giving whatever I have without hoping for any praise in return. For me such a motivation creates a tremendous sense of freedom and allows me to receive whatever reaction comes my way without being unnecessarily pained by it or elated by it.