Transforming criticism into a gift

I find criticism one of the most challenging things in life (I know, I am pretty lucky) and also during COVID-19. For example, I find it difficult to deal with people who go into a self-righteous mode of criticizing other's over-reaction or under-reaction to the pandemic. The Lojong teachings say "Don't speak of the downfalls of others". But of course criticising the criticising is also speaking of other's downfalls. In the end, we can only change what we do and how we react to what others do.

Still from the video which is my image of a gift in ballet language: taking a bow to dedicate your dancing to the audience

Criticism is tricky, because as a was reminded of in a recent instagram post by The Whole Pointe, criticism is ballet is pretty important: it allows you to improve. In fact, traditionally often criticism by a ballet teacher is coveted because it indicates that you are seen and worthy enough to be criticised. And in science too, criticism is so important because it keeps the discussion going and allows for sharpening of arguments and the improvement of experiments, data and interpretation, as was eloquently discussed in this podcast. Yet, what I think makes the difference is the motivation underlying the criticism: is it a motivation to help, or is it instead a puritanical motivation arising out of insecurity and fear. I notice myself that often when I am in my head criticising others, I do so to feel better than them. And since the Lojong teachings are all about reducing our self-importance and increasing our altruism, this is probably the reason that criticism of others is discouraged.

I feel there is another angle to it as well. I notice in my self that those times that I criticise others more, I also tend to criticise myself more, as if I build some maladaptive mental habits. Also self-criticism is not necessarily bad, because I believe it is important to work with yourself to become a better person (in whatever you want to cultivate). The moment it becomes problematic I think is when it gets rooted in hope and fear: the hope to be this amazing person, better than everyone else, or the fear of not being good enough. What I decided to work on in the coming weeks is to watch my motivation, especially when I dance, and to shift it to giving whatever I have without hoping for any praise in return. For me such a motivation creates a tremendous sense of freedom and allows me to receive whatever reaction comes my way without being unnecessarily pained by it or elated by it.

Motivation during COVID-19

Today I want to share some thoughts on motivation in the current COVID-19 situation. Working from home is the new reality for many of us, and I find that motivation is a big topic for both myself and my students. This situation really leads us to question what our motivation really is, which I think is a good thing. At the same time, it is not easy. Normally we are often motivated simply by being in a context that expects a certain work from us, and it happens more or less automatically. Now in this situation the motivation has to come from within, and it has to withstand countless sources of distraction that varies from the news to kids (depending on your situation) and everything in-between.

picture taken on the Manali-Leh highway in India

I find the current Lojong slogan I am working with quite helpful in this respect: slogan 24 says: "Change your attitude but remain natural." Changing your attitude refers traditionally to working with your mind so it is not so much focused on hope and fear for yourself, and instead more occupied with care for others. This care for others is not so much primarily about what you do, but rather about the motivation with which you do things. For example, when you sweep the floor, you can do this with the motivation that it makes a cleaner world for all living beings, and even maybe that it clears away all the infections that beings are currently suffering from. In this way, every single thing you do can become something inspiring and meaningful. In a recent podcast, Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel also expressed this idea very well when she talked about how we can relate to COVID-19 not so much in terms of our hopes and fears, but rather in terms of what we can learn from it. "remain natural" refers to not displaying these efforts in an attempt to appear like the most amazingly compassionate person--because then it becomes again a self-aggrandizing effort. And besides the fact that the point of the Buddhist path is to reduce this tendency of ours to want to increase our ego, a more important reason to not want that is that whenever we engage in self-aggrandization it is also causes a lot of fear. It is more helpful to ask "how can I serve?" than to ask "how can this serve me to get ahead or to get appreciated."

I have been reflecting on these ideas in the last few days, and I found that what helps me to stay motivated (while I live and work pretty much by myself and spend about 10 hours a day in front of my computer screen) is to go back to the question "what is my motivation?" again and again. I am striving to cultivating this memory more and more, because if I reach for a new binge (my weak spot currently) and I ask "what is my motivation?" then it is just to get entertainment. If I instead work on a paper and I inquire about my motivation, then it is to help my students, or even bigger, science, ahead. If I dance, then I can do this with a motivation to nurture my body and mind, and maybe even to make others happy who see my dancing. If I post on social media, I can do this to get the likes, or instead I can just do it to benefit others without hoping for anything in return. In all these cases, the latter motivation is the bigger one and the more sustainable one.

The main thing is to keep investigating your motivation instead of just going on autopilot.It is not easy to stay with the bigger motivation to benefit the world--or to be the best person I can be, as someone put it beautifully today--but it is a beautiful aspiration!