Another Lojong slogan is "Begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself." This slogan reminds me of what we often tend to overlook: caring for ourselves. While caring for others can create a "broad mind" as I suggested in my previous blog, this does not mean you should completely neglect yourself. I think that many of us in the West do not have a sense that we are basically good, and as a result, we are continually trying to prove ourselves and try to get "better." Tsoknyi Rinpoche is one of the Tibetan lamas who has very good teachings on this topic. interestingly, when we try to benefit others and only focus on others to be a "good human" but we don't feel fundamentally good ourselves, then the whole thing becomes quite neurotic.
So what should we do? We can apply all the compassion practices to ourselves! And we should. If you find yourself thinking "I don't need this", "I don't want to waste time on this", this probably means that you really need it! So, instead of taking others suffering and giving away your happiness, as is suggested in the practice of tonglen, you can take away the suffering of your future self, and give happiness to your future self. Or, as is suggested in the Tibetan book of living and dying Chapter 12, you can take on the suffering of the part of you that was hurt, and give it your happiness. In this way you can heal yourself, so that you are in fact ready to give. These ideas are backed up by a lot of research suggesting that self-compassion is crucial for human well-being and can help people deal much better with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil.
This week, I tried to practise self-compassion when I went back into the thick of work: the academic year is starting. One mantra that I learnt during the retreat is "you don't have to run so fast." My main habit is that I tend to want to do too many things and go too fast when I am insecure. During my runs during the retreat, I would time and time again repeat to myself "you don't have to run so fast." During running, this is important to ensure that you reach the end of the run. But during work, it is important to ensure that you don't overlook things or make (too many) errors. So for me, self-compassion involves mostly giving myself space and permission to not run too fast (both literally and metaphorically).
So what should we do? We can apply all the compassion practices to ourselves! And we should. If you find yourself thinking "I don't need this", "I don't want to waste time on this", this probably means that you really need it! So, instead of taking others suffering and giving away your happiness, as is suggested in the practice of tonglen, you can take away the suffering of your future self, and give happiness to your future self. Or, as is suggested in the Tibetan book of living and dying Chapter 12, you can take on the suffering of the part of you that was hurt, and give it your happiness. In this way you can heal yourself, so that you are in fact ready to give. These ideas are backed up by a lot of research suggesting that self-compassion is crucial for human well-being and can help people deal much better with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil.
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| Picture by Floris van Vugt |
This week, I tried to practise self-compassion when I went back into the thick of work: the academic year is starting. One mantra that I learnt during the retreat is "you don't have to run so fast." My main habit is that I tend to want to do too many things and go too fast when I am insecure. During my runs during the retreat, I would time and time again repeat to myself "you don't have to run so fast." During running, this is important to ensure that you reach the end of the run. But during work, it is important to ensure that you don't overlook things or make (too many) errors. So for me, self-compassion involves mostly giving myself space and permission to not run too fast (both literally and metaphorically).
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