Trusting the power of our own wisdom and daring to question

A few weeks ago I attended a teaching by Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel. I think she is a wonderful Western Buddhist teacher in a Tibetan tradition. It was very refreshing to hear her perspective on the Dharma. While she teaches traditional teachings, she also gives it a distinct modern flavour. What I really liked was that she very much encouraged people to question everything. Because according to the Buddhist teachings, the main problem is that we think we know how things are, but we hold onto our image of things instead of seeing how they are changeable and interdependent. So it is important to never be completely convinced that you are accurate, because there is no solid thing out there to be accurate about. This is interesting because as scientists we know more than anyone that science is only true until proven wrong by the next study. And that is fine (in some way, that is part of the fun...). The challenge is the willingness to remain curious and to bear witness to the complexity of life.

Another important topic that she discussed was the concept of agency: we are more powerful than we think we are. The problem is that we get stuck in relationships with others in which we act as if we aren't. For example, we often end up trying to do what we think makes other people like us--then we are not really free (I'm guilty as charged on this one!).

A particularly challenging relationship she taught about was the relationship with the teacher. Here we sometimes create a dynamic by acting like a child in relationship with a parent, instead of claiming our own agency. She said we should never just do what the teacher says but always question what works for us. The role of the teacher is to challenge us, and the role of the student is to seriously engage with these challenges (and actually not bypass them). Then we have the tendency to deify the teacher, which sets us up for disappointment, after which there is a tendency to demonize the teacher. These tendencies show up especially in situations where abuse occurs (which sadly is not that uncommon). When mistreated (or even just disappointed) it becomes very attractive to victimize ourselves. This is particularly attractive because it feels good to be right and point out that someone else is wrong.

While victimizing is attractive, it is also dangerous, because as a victim, you lose agency and you get stuck in the situation. If instead you can work to view the complexity of the situation, where you are almost always also somewhat involved, then you can learn from it and work with it. This of course is not a permission for anyone (and especially any teacher) to mistreat people, but things happen. And if we work together as a group of people to understand the situation, we can also work to create circumstances that make abuses less likely to happen in the future. And definitely asking questions, listening to each other and remaining curious are very important there. Because very often it is not that clear what is right and what is wrong in a situation when you are in the middle of it. Then the challenge to us is, as Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel phrased it, to try to make our mind big enough to be able to hold a horse race inside.