 |
| Picture from an epic bicycle ride from Delhi to Taj Mahal with Delhi by Cycle (picture Himanshu Shekhar https://www.instagram.com/hr.the.traveler/ ) |
The current slogan in the #lojongchallenge is number 34: "don't transfer an ox's load to the cow." Obviously this refers to not pushing our own problems onto others. Blaming others is such an easy and automatic thing to do. But as Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel also points out in her recent talks on agency, this really also is a way to disempower yourself. Of course other people and influences are part of the cause of your problems, but you yourself typically also have a part to play. A traditional example that is given is when someone hits you, they can only hurt you when you are in the way of the hitting. But of course that's a bit of a lame example in some ways and clearly shouldn't be used to justify hitting someone.
But on a more minor level, I think one case where a lot of blaming is going on these days is in COVID-19, where people blame each other for either being "corona-nazis" or for being too lax in following the rules. Last week I found myself to be also guilty of that when I was complaining about the students not taking the rules seriously. She retorted that complaining about the students only makes youangry and is not going to change anything. So true! Complaining usually doesn't make you feel better. It's better to focus on your own contribution to the problem and situation.
 |
| A village in the area of Vrindavan, India, with cows |
 |
| One of those classic Indian cow pictures where cow sits in the middle of an intersection, here in Allahabad/Prayagraj |
A very liberating example of a more healthy way to go about things is given by Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche in his book "The intelligent heart" in which he writes "The Japanese culture is very strong in this way. Even the emperors take pride in apologizing when they are at fault. They bow down low and say "I'm very sorry. It was my mistake." Having this quality gives people tremendous freedom and dignity." An example to aspire to.
Having said that, I do also find in myself a pitfall with this slogan--which encourages us to not shift responsibilities onto others. What is a tricky pitfall is the tendency to take all the work upon myself, sort of being overly optimistic of the work I can accomplish. This is obviously a recipe for exhaustion and eventually burnout. So while it is important to not overly burden others, it is also important to reflect on your own boundaries and stick to those. Because in the end, if you get a burnout, you are shifting even more responsibilities on others...
